Eyes down, keep walking. An indispensable travel guide.
1. Stand to the left on an escalator.
BBC / Via whenyouliveinlondon.tumblr.com
Everyone else is doing it for a reason. That reason is not “for giggles”.
2. Make eye contact.
Warner Bros. / Via iwdrm.tumblr.com
You may look at your phone or the floor. Whatever you do, don’t look up.
NBC / Via community-sitcom.wikia.com
Smiling is for simpletons and psychopaths.
4. Tell people to smile.
Sony Pictures Home Entertainment / Via imgur.com
5. Start a conversation.
Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com
This is not a networking opportunity. This is a get out of the way opportunity.
6. Take pictures of people.
MGM / New Line Cinema / Via i.imgur.com
Stick this in your slideshow.
7. Ask people to take a picture of you.
BBC / Via static.comicvine.com
8. Ask for directions.
MGM / Via replygif.net
We do know. We just don’t have time for this.
9. Eat in public.
Girls HBO / Via girlshbo.tumblr.com
10. Eat on public transport.
Paramount Pictures / Via wordpress.com
Also not cool: Publicly shaming women who eat on public transport.
11. Be unnecessarily loud in public.
Disney / Via tumblr.com
Never do anything that draws attention to yourself. Ever.
12. Have a phone conversation on public transport.
Trigger Happy TV / Absolutely Productions
Your ringtone should either be a polite cough or nothing.
13. Engage in public displays of affection.
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Treat everyone with polite disdain. Even significant others.
14. Be a tourist.
Warner Bros. / Via Friends / NBC
“London, baby!” = Not a thing.
15. Be from London.
BBC / Via img3.wikia.nocookie.net
16. Mimic a Cockney accent.
Walt Disney / Via tumblr.com
Mimicry is the highest form of fuck off.
17. Read a broadsheet newspaper on the Tube.
18. Read the newspaper over someone’s shoulder.
Warner Bros. / Via i.imgur.com
19. Ask where the Queen lives.
BBC / Via tumblr.com
And no, we’ve never met her.
20. Insult the Queen.
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21. Play your music so loud everyone can hear.
You have headphones in. We shouldn’t be able to hear every sodding beat.
22. Put your bag on the seat next to you.
HBO / Via i.minus.com
Bags: Not people since forever.
23. Wear your backpack on the Tube.
The train is packed. Everyone hates you.
24. Drag a wheeled suitcase behind you.
Marvel Studios / Via i43.tinypic.com
Seriously. Seriously. Carry your damn bag.
25. Walk too slowly.
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Or too quickly. Or, just. Stay off the pavement, OK?
26. Stop in the middle of the pavement.
Warner Home Video / Via giphy.com
Don’t ever stop moving. Ever.
27. Insult London.
This is our city. You keep your mouth shut.