We all know this guy: He’s attractive, suave and has an attitude that leads you to believe he doesn’t have a care in the world. When you see him, your heart races as you feverishly rack your brain for something smooth to say when he approaches — if he approaches.
You think about him constantly. You replay the times you’ve spent together over and over in your head, overanalyzing the details of things he said to you, in hopes of finding a hint that maybe, just maybe, he likes you as much as you like him.
There you stand, though, at the bar, waiting for him to approach you. As if you didn’t spend last Saturday night (err, morning) together; as if he didn’t (drunkenly) blurt out that he liked your eyes; as if you weren’t texting about the premiere of your favorite TV show on Wednesday.
He knows you’re there. He also knows exactly how to play the game, and you’re hooked.
After about an hour of attempting to look dainty, while obnoxiously flirtatious with other guys and darting your eyes to wherever he’s standing every 30 seconds, he approaches you. A wave of happiness and calm takes over you.
It’s like nothing happened; you guys flirt over a drink, laugh hysterically and end the night together.
The same thing happens next weekend. You barely hear from him all week, but you’re smitten the second you do. When the cycle continues for months, and it’s clear you both enjoy each other’s company, you say the unthinkable: “So, what are we?”
All that pillow talk has got to mean something. Apparently, though, not to him. He brushes it off as if you’re talking crazy. Of course, most of the time you spend together is either drunken or horizontal, but you feel like you connect.
Fast forward another month, and you’ve finally convinced this guy to date you. He has no more excuses, and he is willing to give it a shot. You felt foolish, but he made it clear he likes you, and you both felt something, so why not be official?
You fought for the guy you wanted, and you got him. You’re ecstatic. Now what?
Let’s put it simply: If you go into a relationship playing games, somebody is bound to lose.
Now, you’ve got the guy — the undateable guy. He’s all yours. Maybe it lasts a year or two, and you realize there was a great boyfriend under that assh*le facade, but you’re just not feeling him anymore.
Or, maybe, it ends a bit sooner because you realize what drew you to him was the challenge associated with wanting something you couldn’t have. Regardless of the reason, you break up with him.
Suddenly, this emotional monster comes out; he’s a literal mess. He wants to be with you and he will do whatever it takes to show it — love letters, gifts, incessant phone calls… you name it. He cannot handle that you’re gone. But, he’s still the guy who would ignore you in the bar! HIM!
This guy is tweeting sappy lyrics and posting sad quotes on Instagram while you’re having cocktails with your friends.
So, do males have a harder time moving on from relationships than females? It seems they are much more hesitant to begin the relationships, yet they have a much more difficult time letting go.
Sure, we have our crying-into-Ben-and-Jerry’s moments. However, as females, when we decide to move on from relationships, it’s pretty easy to stick to it without poisoning everyone’s news feed with Taylor Swift lyrics.
So, why is this? Why is that once-suave and sexy man spiraling downward after you two break up?
You were his first real relationship.
Before you, he spent his nights with various women, doing things you’d rather not imagine. He had a great time and loved the player lifestyle. He thought he had it all and looked forward to each weekend that promised endless drinks, bro time and meaningless sex.
That is, until you came around. You showed him what it was like to feel. You cared for him deeply and filled once-meaningless activities with meaning. You showed him a relationship didn’t have to consume his entire life.
Now, he doesn’t want that meaningless sex anymore. He’s lost his “game” and compares every girl he meets to you. He wants you next to him and misses the awesome french toast you make for breakfast.
His family adores you.
Chances are, you are the first girl he took home. Much to his family’s surprise, you’re a smart girl who can laugh with his sister, swap recipes with his mom and enjoy a good beer with his dad.
You’re wifey material.
You somehow saw past the player in him and pursued him until you got what you wanted. This trait translates to other parts of your life: You’re ambitious, find the good in things and work for what you want. He knows you have a life outside of him; you have career goals, and those often take precedence.
Plus, you’re low maintenance and easy to be around. He can see a life with someone like you and is afraid there aren’t more girls out there with your intelligence, drive and dirty sense of humor.
His ego is bruised.
Remember, you changed this guy. He let walls down for you and hadn’t let them down before. This may not have been your first relationship, and maybe it wasn’t his, either, but he let you see a part of him he usually doesn’t show, and he can’t take that back.
You saw through his games and you got through to the real him. Underneath it all, he wasn’t that super suave guy; you saw his sensitive side. His ego won’t recover easily from a hot chick like you walking away from him.
His friends aren’t as understanding.
One thing in life is constant: When you’re heartbroken, your best girlfriends will be there in a second to cheer you up. They know just what to say, when to listen, and how long to let you complain until they pull you out of that slump.
I can’t be sure how guy friends react in these situations, but I somehow doubt it’s as supportive.
In an effort to maintain the manly persona, the guy holds back his feelings and bottles up the tears. You were his best friend. He got to talk to you about the things he’d never say to his guys. Now, who will he ask if his chambray shirt looks nice on him?
You showed him new things and shared life experiences.
Maybe you gave him a new appreciation for art, took cooking classes together or traveled through Europe.
Whatever it was, you opened up his world to lots of new things he’d never before experienced and wouldn’t have experienced without you. You even made mundane things more fun for him. He was able to share a bit of his life with you.
You knew about his past, and he could talk to you about the things closest to his heart. He began to plan a life with you. Now, all those things you experienced together remind him of you, and he has nobody to whom he can vent his problems on the phone at night.
You realize it’s time to pull yourself together. You’ll get your mani-pedi and fresh haircut, slap on some lipstick and a tight dress and get out there with the girls. He knows this.
He knows how great you look when you try and he’s freaking out every night, assuming you’re at a bar, making out with someone else. The thought of another guy’s hands on you keeps him up at night. Be nice; don’t post that many Instagram pics.
Women have, somehow, earned a bad reputation as emotional breakup monsters who completely overlook the way males react to heartbreak. Yes, we hurt, and yes, we appreciate the relationships we’ve left behind. To the guys who experience heartbreak, you’ll be okay.
There are plenty of awesome girls out there. Why try to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Oh, and, I promise, calling us 20 times a day will, by no means, change our minds.